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General psychology and its phenomena affect both our life as a whole and its individual aspects: professional career, relationships with other people, personal development, etc. As tournament poker coach Alexey Exan13 has repeatedly said in a series of lectures on psychology "7 reasons for your failures". Optimal psychological state is one of the pillars of effective professional development of a poker player. Often, the lack of positive changes in your life can occur because it goes according to a negative scenario. In the article, psychologist Sofia Okhrimenko talks about the main negative scenarios that are formed in childhood and affect the whole life.
A negative life scenario is a concept that means that there is a certain plan according to which a person develops and grows.
This plan is laid down in childhood and changes over the course of a person's life. A negative scenario is formed when you act according to any prescriptions that are laid down in childhood by parents covertly and unconsciously.
1. 8 negative scenarios
Let's analyze them in more detail, read each of them carefully.
Do not live
The most dangerous of all scenarios in a person's life. Of course, it is not formed under the open slogans of parents: "do not live". In such a scenario, adults often say that the child should not have been, which laid him down subconsciously as a prescription – DO not LIVE, DO not manifest, DO not exist. Such a scenario is further accompanied by a constant feeling of guilt, a feeling of uselessness, regardless of your actions. It also manifests itself as a desire to win someone's attention and expected value.
Don't be who you are
The eternal desire to be different, the underestimation of one's own abilities. Lowering their importance – all this is in the behavior of adults, who were often liked to be compared with others in childhood (many have heard the phrase: "But Fedya..."). Often, such a scenario does not allow a person to show himself real, and he is forced to hide some of his features, to pretend to be another person even with the closest people. Such a scenario gives the experience of inner loneliness, despite a large number of friends and acquaintances.
Don't grow up
A scenario that in adulthood prevents you from taking responsibility to change something. Often these are people who are afraid to make decisions, quickly become attached to something and give full trust to others, and then often find themselves betrayed or abandoned by someone. Often, this variant of the scenario arises due to the manipulations of parents, who need their child to be constantly close to them or within their closest reach.
Don't achieve it
This scenario is manifested in dissatisfaction with one's own achievements, a person is inclined to devalue them and generally not take seriously everything that he has done. Why does this happen? Often this is how parents work out their internal prohibitions. For example, a father grew up in a family where there was no material well-being and he achieved it in adulthood, but he is internally afraid that his child will achieve success faster than he is, and therefore can impose a non-verbal ban on achievements.
You can't
This scenario manifests itself in the fact that a person, even being an adult for all his desires and goals, is looking for justifications and objective reasons for what he really needs. It often manifests itself in internal prohibitions on any changes, on pleasures, and in general on any conscious choice. Such people often do not have their own opinion and a clear point of view, they rely on others and wait for their approval.
Stay away
This prohibition most affects the ability to build trust with someone. Often, people who grow up in such a scenario prefer the path of a loner, are not capable of a deep connection with someone, love, sincere friendship, because they are subconsciously afraid of them. Such a scenario occurs in inconsistent families, where today the child is hugged and accepted, and tomorrow for any manifestation or disobedience - they are deprived of contact, hushed up, pushed away, etc. Often such a scenario is not even realized by the person himself, because over time he builds up his "inner armor" and believes that others around him are bad and they cannot communicate with him, that the world is unfriendly to him.
Don't Feel
People with such a scenario cannot describe their emotions and feelings, they have difficulty assessing their condition. They are either doing well, or badly, or not at all. This situation interferes with the assessment of reality and the construction of logical actions that do not lead to burnout. Most often, this is a direct path to fatigue. It is formed under the influence of adult pressure, which can devalue the child's experiences in childhood, tell him how to act and behave in all situations, not allowing him to live his own personal experience.
Don't be healthy
Thus, the ground is laid for the development of psychosomatic manifestations. In childhood, the child is sick to attract the attention of parents or to reconcile them with each other when they are in a quarrel. Then it seems that it is easier to get sick for attention than to correctly express your need. These scenarios can be combined or partially act in the human psyche, but there can be a full life according to one specific scenario.
They are the foundation for the formation and development of 7 types of tilt, which do not allow to achieve the best results in the career of a professional poker player.
As you can see, everything in our life is interconnected, when working out one aspect of life, it is possible to bring others to an optimal state.
2. Ways out of the negative scenario
If you realize that one of the scenarios is working in your life, then this is the first step to changing it.
To work through it, you need to understand what mechanisms underlie it and further:
- Write out the situations where the features of the scenario are most often clearly traced;
- Write out common features of all these situations;
- Analyze this mechanism and imagine what it needs to be replaced with.
To more effectively work out your negative scenario, we invite you to personal consultations with the project psychologist Sofia Okhrimenko.
